Wedding Tip: Bridesmaid

Let me remind you that my “wedding tips” are, in fact, my wedding tips. There are countless books available about wedding planning and etiquette. After being involved in a LOT of weddings, I have, of course, made my own opinions. (who me?! Shocker.) I also deal in a majority of Mormon weddings, which are quite unique in and of themselves. Since the ceremony takes place inside our temples, and is very simple and sacred, planning a “Mormon wedding” is very different than other weddings. But we do find ourselves wanting to catch the “traditional” wedding wave. We want bridesmaids, groomsmen, ring bearers, big parties and what not. So, we improvise at our receptions. Remember, we Mormons are very ingenious. (LOL)



Bridesmaids have played a role in weddings for a long time now. They assist the bride, and are escorted down the isle with the groomsmen. It seems, almost a competition, who can have the most of each. The dresses are lavish and expensive and little girls dream of the day they get to be one. I, myself, have been one nine times. And this is why today, I write about, The Bridesmaid.



I was first a bridesmaid at my oldest sisters wedding. I was 11 years old, and fuming with puberty. My bad attitude and hormonal “hurumphs” were exuding from every pore. I was awful! (not bragging here, just trying to make a point) I wouldn’t smile in the photos, I was snotty to everyone - sheer brat! I have often asked myself why my parents didn’t just make me leave. “Get it together or get out!” Point here: Way too young! My sister had three younger sisters, the oldest, barely 16. She, herself, was only 18. While I think the family thought it would be nice to have her sisters as bridesmaids, we were all too young. My view is that no one under 16, at the very least, should be a bridesmaid. I would suggest that if you do have younger people you want to include, have them buy an outfit that goes with the theme of the wedding, give them flowers in their hair or a wrist corsage, (letting people know they are, in fact, part of the wedding party) and ask them to man the gift table, food table, or specifically mingle with guests.



My next two weddings were within six months of each other, at 15 and 16. Again, in my opinion, too young. I think there is an obligation to have sisters or sisters in law be the bridesmaids. Why? They know you love them. Choose your close friends. And if you don’t have someone that you feel that close to, then don’t have any. I’ll admit that in a conventional wedding, not having any might seem different, but not horrible. But since we, as Mormons, don’t walk down the isle. Who cares? NO ONE wants to walk through a recieving line shaking hands with people they don’t know, especially someone’s little sister. Please take note of this horrifying photo I’ve provided.

Notes on the Photo:

Kill me now! Take a gander at my face. "Hellooo, there. I am the Queen of Sheba. I'm modest, unlike my hussy sister next to me. Who dares to show her shoulders! (Of course, not really a hussy! Just being funny with the comentary!) Who cares if the dress was made for this. I am a prrrude! Not to mention, my mother would kill me." And can you get over my hand gesture. Puh-lese! The mouth, the eyes, and the tilt of the head. Who am I!? The pearls are WAY too much, and the flowers in the hair; overboard! Check out the brides face. This is her 100% plastered fake smile. What she's really thinking is, "Help Me! I hate this whole thing! Too bad I love the groom, (I think!) other than that - get me outta' here!"

My sister Krista wanted to have red plaid and black as her colors. My mother would not hear of it. She wanted her two best friends to be her bridesmaids; Again, no way. She doesn’t now, and didn’t then, like mauve. And hated white lattice. And in fact, is the last person to be caught dead condoning 15 year olds (or anyone) wearing hideous lace gloves, of all things! And what kind of flowers am I holding?! I think they are all greens and like, one carnation! Eeek! But, someone else took over the wedding, and this is what she had. As I have mentioned before, here, let the bride get what she wants. Please.



Side note: She also wanted to marry a doctor, and didn’t. (although we all LOVE Jeff) But that is something she is taking into her own hands, 17 years later, and getting ready to start med school next fall and 39 years old. That’s right folks. You can have your cake and eat it too, it just might not be the same cake it was 20 years earlier. But it’s still cake!



My poor sister-in-law had to have me as one, as well. Sorry. I’m not sure why. It may have been the kindness of her heart, or trying to match the number of groomsmen. But in any case, I was still way too young. See here, for the photo. (She did get the black. And, yes, Krista is still mad.) The weddings that followed, I was older, and they were my very good friends or relatives. I, of course, loved being in all of the weddings. Don’t get me wrong about my younger years. I loved it. It gave be bragging rights. “Sorry, I can’t go to your party Saturday. I have to be a bridesmaid that night.” Believe me, at 11, that sounds pret-ty cool. (Okay, so like I was even invited to parties then. But if I had been, it would have been awesome to say that! Especially when 16 Candles what the hit of the year, and you – yes, you – got to be your big sisters bridesmaid. Just like in the movie!)

*Please accept full apologies, again, of all rottenness in my adolescence. I was horrible, and snotty. Please take note and forgive.

Thank you. The Management

A side note on dresses. Don’t even pretend to tell yourselves that “they’ll be able to wear them again.” And please! Just because they are “your style” and look good on you, does not mean they will on other girls. Pick your colors, choose a variety that look great together. Have the girls find something that looks good on them, they are comfortable in, and matches the feel of your wedding. Then maybe, just maybe, they might wear it again. And for heavens sake! Do not make them stand in the receiving line! Good gracious, spare everyone the grief. Have them mingle, visit and help keep the mood of the reception. You don’t have to have the same number of groomsmen, either. It won’t be “off balance” in your photos. Things have changed a lot in the last few years. (Like, who stands in lines for their wedding photos anymore?!)

Bottom Line: Choose people you love and think appropriate for this part of your special day. You don’t have to have any bridesmaids, if you don’t want. Your numbers don’t have to match. And your dresses don’t have to be puffy, ugly, expensive, or even match. Whew! I guess I could have told you all of this in the one paragraph above. But then you would have missed out on all my jibbering. And who would want that?

The following are some of the photos I mentioned from a couple of weeks ago. Found my camera, hooray!