French Toilets

If you read me at all, you know, I spend a lot of time talking about the toilets where I travel. France is no exception. Hol-ee cow. Were these the worst toilet experiences ever? Mmmm? Maybe not the worst, but pretty bad. It goes like this:

Dear France,

What is the deal with you and toilets? And what about the lack of public restrooms? Where are people supposed to go? In the street? Little secret here...you kind of had a reputation of people going in the streets. Newsflash! You may want to up the old bathroom thing.

For starters, what do you have against toilet seats? Is it a personal issue? Really? Come on. Try having a three year old go in this.

I know you have them. Are people stealing them? Need somthing comfy for the tube so they're ripping them off? Please. Help me understand why we have to squat, or painfully balance every time we go. See the little holes on the back there? Yep. That's where these metal things called screws go, and they hold the seats in place. Very handy.

Here, in a tiny town on the coast, is an outdoor urinal. Was this the best idea you've got? Sure, Peter HAD to give it whirl, but really? Outdoor toilet? I think you can do better.

Now. Here was a good one. A public, FREE toilet near the Eiffel Tower. ONE. The door slides open and in you go. The bummer? Giant lines and after each flush, (NO SEAT, again!) you have to be out of it and it sprays water over the entire thing to 'clean' it. A one minute wait between each person. Again, good effort! But in case you didn't realize the Eiffel Tower is the number one most visited tourist attraction in the world, therefore making Paris the most visited city in the world. Where are you public works planners? Where are the city planners saying, "Gosh. We've got 8 million people coming here a year. We should probably provide a bathroom system for them." (I have no idea how many people come here - but it's a lot!)

Inside the tower WC. I actually used my debit card at a metro stop to use a pay toilet one day. The absolute number one worst bathroom in the world. Flithy. Disgusting. Hole in the wall. Woof! And I had to pay for that? Mind you. I can hold 'it' 'til the cows come home. I have no need to go while I'm out. But I have a herd of little ones that have to go when they gotta go.

Now. I'll tell you. There are some places with decent bathrooms. Malls. But you kind of have to be near a mall to use it. See the problem? But most places like this had a childrens toilet. Again, thanks for thinking of the little people. But really? Let's work on the overall problem of NO where to go in general. And these toilets are beyond tiny. Chach wouldn't even use them. "They're scary! Too small."

See! Look! A SEAT! Oh sure this place cost me 8 DOLLARS for my kids and I to use the bathroom. But it was pretty clean AND had a seat. 8 DOLLARS? Really? This was in the mall at the Louvre. I said, "We can all use the same stall." Heavens NO! Each person has to pay. Give me a break!

At any rate, France, please. Rethink the bathroom problems you have. You're kind of famous for it. My kids went in bushes, trees, LOTS of water bottles, etc. You name it, and someone had to go. When you travel with five kids, someone always has to go. I asked for the WC su vous ples like 9 million times on this trip and the number one answer was a shake of the head. Where are YOU going to the bathroom, I ask you? Do you have to run home? Go before you leave? Wait. Never mind. I don't want to know. All I know is that I think you've got a problem. I suggest you contact a city planner from most any city in the States and get some tips. Don't however contact anyone from the Arab world. I wasnt sure if I was happy or not that Roo and I used the squatters when we landed here. I guess I was just happy there was a bathroom at all.

Good luck. Let me know if you need any ideas. You know, like rows of stalls, or how to attach the toilet seat. I've got some good ones for you.

Sincerely,

France with Five