Match maker, match maker, make me a match

This is my gardener.  I think you've met him before.  He's a really nice person.  He's a very hard worker, a very simple man.  (he is actually over the sprinkler system for the camp - he's VERY busy and works for us on his lunch hour)  He supports his mother, two brothers and a sister. (when married, it will now be all these people are his wife too)  He's not married yet.  He's been telling me for a few years now that he doesn't have enough money to get married yet.

Well, my friends.  Times they are a'changing!

Recently he told me that his mother had found someone for him.  He stopped by last week to tell me about it.  Well, he actually asked if myself and a friend (and fellow employer) could help him make a decision.  His mother and EVERY other member of his family told him this is THE girl.  Everyone of them like her, and all of her family likes our gardeners family.  So when it get's this far, now they would be able to see each other and make a choice.  But since he is thousands of miles away - he had to go get some pictures taken of him. 

The picture above is how he looks every day.  And he has the greatest, brightest smile.

The pictures below are what were taken at the one and only photo place around here.  (the one I was just complaining about a few posts ago)

Stop giggling.  Now really.  Stop that.

They told him not to smile.  I tried to get him to send the one on top.  It really is him; but he didn't want her to see him in his work clothes.  Too bad.

So the next step was the emailing of HER photo for him to see.  This is where I came into the story.  He saw her, and really doesn't think she's pretty.  I don't know if she's pretty.  I think he looks totally silly in his pictures, and would send a cute one.  So my 'pretty' and his 'pretty' are not the same.

Then I asked a foolish question, "Well.  Is she nice?  That's what really matters."

Silly me.  Silly, silly me.  That's a question a groom from his culture doesn't get to know.

Can you talk to her?  Is she your best friend?  Do you LOVE her?  These are the things he needs to know.  Or at least, the things I think he needs to know.

But of course, this is not how it works. 

This had been disturbing me before the gardener came by to talk, I knew his mother was making an offer to him, and I was worried.  So much so that I asked my new house boy (long story about Sherrif, but I'll tell it soon - I promise) about marriage and love in their country.  He speaks very good English (and reads and writes), so I started whining to him:  "But how can you know?  What if you don't love her?  What is she doesn't love YOU?  What if you want to marry for love, but your family says no?  What can you do?"

"Madame.  This is our culture.  Our way.  We know from the time we are children that this is what we face.  And we love our parents and trust them to choose one who will love us, and that we can love too."

"But what about Sherrif?  He married for love?  What about that?"

"Yes.  But look at Sherrif's life madame.  He is very unhappy.  His mother hates his wife, as do all of his siblings.  They have made life very bad for Sherrif because they do not like who he chose."

(wipe your tears here)

"What about you Anwar?   What do you want?  Will you marry for love?"

"Madame.  I don't know.  I think we all want to marry for love.  And hope that we can.  But that is not our way.  When I was young (he's about 30) I wanted to marry a girl.  We were young and were very good friends.  I could talk to her and I loved her.  But her father was not a good man and would not allow our marriage....She is married now and lives in the U.K.  She has her own family."

"But aren't you sad?  Doesn't this make you sad?"

"Of course madame.  I cried many times because of this.  But this is OUR way.  And we know that our families love us and love God and want what is best for us."

When the gardener came by to talk I said, "What are you worried about?  Are you wondering if there is someone else out there for you?  That you will find someone you love more?  Prettier?  What is it?"  He said, "I don't know ma'am.  I just don't know how to feel.  I am worried.  I cannot sleep.  I just don't know.  But ALL my family says yes.  Everyone very very happy."

I then turned to Anwar and said, "Will he find better than this?  Is this the best it's going to get for him?"

He replied, "If his whole family likes her, and her family his happy.  This is what God wants.  God wants us to be married.  He will send more blessings when they marry.  And even more when they have children.  This is what life is about.  It is very hard to find an arrangement where EVERYONE is happy.  This is a wonderful opportunity for your gardener."

So I turn to our gardener and say. "That's it!  I say YES!  Why not?  Yes.  SAY YES!"

You should have seen his smile.  And that was it.  He said, "Okay Madame.  I will say yes."  His whole countenance changed and he seemed calm and sure for the first time since he came in.  Then he started laughing and saying, " Okay. Okay!"  (thumbs up)

Since then he's been on his satellite cell phone a lot.  (This is how I know he's talking to 'home'.)  And he's very excited.  He will go home in a month and meet her in person.  Then if they are both still 'on', they will be married then.  I told him I want to come, but of course, the chances are next to none that that will happen.

But I am very happy for him. His father is dead and he carries the load of the family on his shoulders.  He's only been home once in the past ten years.  (Don't think that he's vacationing somewhere else, he's not. He's only had one vacation in the past ten years)  I hope he finds happiness.  Life will not be easy for him.  He told me he has enough money to buy her gold earrings, 2 bracelets, a necklace and a nose ring.  This is what he wanted to have.  He will only see her for a short time, probably leave her with a baby on the way, and then return here.  Their relationship will be over the phone and a short trip home every few years.  She, 21, will be moving in with his mother after they are married.  I don't know how I would do with the whole thing, but their country has a 10% divorce rate, which shoots ours to the ground.  I told Anwar, the house boy, that Peter and I are
 very religious.  We are married forever, we think divorce is not okay - except in very few cases.  "Oh.  Were you two an arranged marriage?"  hahaha!  I laughed so hard, "No, Anwar.  Noooobody is an arranged marriage in the United States...

We marry for love."