Azeem is not his real name, but I'm not sure what is

Sherriff is on vacation. Well, he calls it vacation, but really, I wouldn't call it vacation.

His brother has been beating up his wife because he wants her to move out of the house. Sherriff's house, that he bought for the entire family, and allows all of his siblings, their spouses and children, and his mother to live in. AND, he works here and sends all of his money home to them. Oh. Did I mention that none of them work? He pays for all of them to live. I think this has something to do with the fact that there really aren’t many jobs available there. There is a lot more to this story, like he’s the youngest so he has to do these things and put up with the abuse. Different cultures are hard to understand…

Anyway, he went home to buy another house and move his wife and baby to the new place. When I say house, this is a loose term. Cement block is the truth; one room, no kitchen or bathroom. His old house started as this. Over the past few years he has added seven more rooms and two bathrooms, but they all still cook in an out building. He drew a picture for me one day. The original house is at the bend of a now “L” shaped building. Each family has their own room that they live and eat in. The whole thing is totally barred in, a sidewalk goes in front of the rooms, and then bars on the outside of that. The cooking house/area is in the courtyard of their house. He told me the crime is completely out of control there. They truly have to be locked in for their own safety. He said it’s not uncommon for a house to be surrounded by thirty men in the middle of the night, who are there to rob and kill people. His wife had to sell her jewelry and gold to help pay for the new house, she said she didn’t mind because she can’t wear it anyway. If anyone saw it, it would just get stolen anyway. Did I say I’m thankful to be who I am? Did I say I have no idea why I was born into the life I was, but I am SO thankful? Well, I did now. I know that they have a pretty nice life where they are. I’ve seen the pictures, and while I would rather not live there, it’s nicer than I thought. I know I’m a little snobbish though. No thank you. Remember him telling me, “We have rats everywhere. Inside, outside, all over the place.” Yep. Even though things aren’t perfect here, I’ll take this over Bangladesh any day of the week.

I tell you this because I want you to meet Azeem. Azeem is from Sherriff’s village and is taking his place while he is in Bangladesh. Azeem has been in this country for three years, since he was 17. But most people from B. don’t tell their real ages. His passport says he is 23 years old because it is against the law for citizens of B. to leave the country to work. They can leave for schooling, but have to prove it. They can’t leave to work until they are 21 years old. So this forces these young boys to lie on their paperwork. I’m pretty sure they have no such thing as a birth certificate, so this isn’t too hard to do. At any rate, he is 20 years old – going on 24. He goes by Azeem, but this is not his real name. I think it is Saddam Hussein, but for some reason (harhar) he doesn't like to go by that. Although, his passport says something different as well. I was under the impression that passports were official, and had to be correct and legal. Silly me. I'm just an uninformed American, I guess.

I swear, I had to beg him to smile, and this is totally not his smile. It's a weak smirk. They are so funny about posing for a picture. And check out his cool, hip shirt. I like it. He's washing the outside of my windows in this shot. Ahhhh. A window washer, I know, I'm spoiled.

Azeem hasn’t been what I would call a great cleaner. In fact, I’ve almost fired him several times. He has been working in a soft drink facility since he’s been here, his older brother is a manager there. Sherriff offered him the chance to get out of that and into the world of being a ‘house boy’. So, you can guess, that like most 20 year old kids – he didn’t know how to clean. He came with Sherriff a few times to see how to do things, but really, he pretty much stinks. So why don’t I fire him? Because I just can’t. I can’t. He’s very nice, and quite teachable. So I have tried to be patient and show him how I like things done. And he really is coming along nicely. Also, I know at least two other women that have let him go. Consequently, this is Sherriff’s business down the drain as well. So I have decided to teach him what I can. He is willing; it’s just that he’s young and doesn’t know any better.

People have asked me why I don’t just get rid of him. Peter and I have talked about it and decided that the lesson of ‘Give man a fish he’ll eat for a day, teach a man to fish he’ll eat for a lifetime’ applies to this situation here. So, in time, I think Azeem will be a good house boy. What he misses, I just redo. And I nicely try to show or tell him what needs to improve. Don’t think I’m being super nice or anything. Because I am just treating him how I would want to be treated. At any rate, here is his story:

He is the youngest of eight children. Four boys and four girls, one of his brothers was killed in a car accident while working here about the time the U.S. entered Iraq. His father died of a heart attack when he was three years old, and his mother never remarried. (His ‘Momma’, as he calls her) She taught school for six years until her oldest son was making enough money in this country to support the family. After that she taught her own children and did some teaching of the Quran to others. The oldest brother has been here over 20 years now. Azeem and his siblings are educated; most of them have attended college at least. (this is unusual, Sherriff went through second grade, so he is VERY educated) So a few years ago, while Azeem was in college he told his Momma he wanted to move here and get a job. He said after graduating college, he would be able to make the equivalent of 150.00 per month in Bangladesh. I have to tell you, I don’t blame him. Here he can maybe make 600.00 being a house boy. These numbers astound me, by the way.

Azeem is not married, until recently he had a girlfriend he had never met, but had come to love through talking on the phone. The mothers of these two people had agreed upon their marriage a year ago last January. She was 15 and he was 19. I think they were both excited about the idea of marriage, though they hadn’t met in real life, they talked for hours on the phone every day.

In their culture, a boy cannot marry until the older boys in the family are married. Azeem’s older brother has been married for 14 years, but his brother just older than him, 24, is not married yet. The mother of the bride told Azeem’s Momma, that she would be willing to wait until January of 2011 to get the other brother married, and have the wedding of Azeem and his bride. But, a year passed and January came and went. There was no wedding of his older brother, hence, no wedding for Azeem. And in March, the girl’s mother, married off her 16 year old daughter to another man. A man who she did not know. A man that lives and works in Italy, while she stays in Bangladesh. And while this would have been a similar situation with Azeem, the difference is that while they were engaged, they had fallen in love.

I only know this because every now and then Azeem’s phone will ring. His ringtone is the most beautiful Asian, tropical sound of birds and music. It always makes me laugh a little when I hear it and my kids love it. One afternoon his phone rang and he told me it was his old girlfriend. This is unheard of, “You have a girlfriend?!” I asked. Remember that these people have arranged marriages so they do not date. Remind me, if you want, and I'll tell you Sherriff's story. It's cute. “I used to ,” he told me. He then proceeded to tell me their story. He told me that she calls him every single day. That he has quit calling her, but that she still calls him. That she cries every time they talk, and that they talk for more than an hour each day. I suggested that this may not be a good idea, her being married and all. He said he had tried to tell her this, but she still calls. I told him I think her husband wouldn’t like this, he agreed. He told me that he loved her and that he used to cry when they talked, just after her marriage. But only a couple of times, “I don’t cry anymore.”

This totally breaks my heart. They are just kids. They love each other, but the reality is, they will never get to be together. And what’s worse is this sweet little 16 year old girl, sitting at home (I’m sure at her parents’ house, or maybe his parents’ house) has been married off to a man she doesn’t know and will only see every couple of years. Yet she is dying to continue a relationship with a boy that she should not even be talking to. What a predicament. Poor thing. And they really are young. She called one day while he was here, and he handed the phone to me, giggling. “Talk to her,” he said. I said hello and she just laughed. They are like two teenagers. Wait. They ARE two teenagers.

Here are some of his most recent drawings, this kids posted these on the wall. Nice, aren't they?

Want to know something else about Azeem? He loves to draw. One day after he’d been here for his four hours, I came into the T.V. room with all of my children gathered around him. He was drawing for them. He had drawn a thatched roof hut, some kind of water ox, a bird fishing, several kinds of fish, and different types of fruit including a papaya and mango. The kids loved it. He told me that his sister has five daughters and they would spend hours crawling all over him while he drew for them. Just like in our world, the young fun uncle is always a hit. Sometimes after work he’ll just help himself to the kid’s art supplies and draw for a while. (this is the kind of behavior that employees aren’t a big fan of, btw – but I know he trusts me and feels that I don’t mind) And I really don’t mind. I think he finds it very therapeutic, reminding him of home. The things he draws are things so foreign to me it’s like looking in a book or something.

Anyway, that’s Azeem in a nut shell. He has a bright smile and laughs all the time – he can hardly finish a sentence without laughing a higher pitched giggle in between words with his head bobbing back and forth. Not that I can understand most of what he says anyway. His English is getting better, but whew, if you knew what I went through to collect the above info, you’d need a translator yourself. A few weeks ago he came to me almost out of breath with excitement. His sister has been married for nine years with no baby. And on the evening prior to seeing me, she gave birth to a baby boy. Azeem was so excited he could hardly contain himself. I love how much these people love their families. Today he told me that “One day, if I can have just one baby, I will be so happy.” (hand over his heart while telling me this)

He is young, and a sweet kid who is willing to work and has a broken heart right now. Today he said doesn’t want to get married until he’s 28, at least. I can’t blame him. If I were him, I’d be through with women too. Do you think that that means 28 for real, or 28 in his passport years? :)

*Just so you don't think I am a total snob about cleaning, let me tell you some of my complaints: He cleans the entire house with ONE cleaning rag - and prides himself on it. I mean toilets, sinks, kitchen, windows, etc. Everything. It just makes me a little grossed out. Also, he doesn't see the things I see - like the black mold up high under the toilet rim. Or the edges of the carpet and stairs - he needs to use the vacuum tool. I'm just sayin...AND, btw, I have cleaned A LOT of houses in my career and I know, when you work for someone else, you clean how they want you to. That's just the ways things are. He's learning.